Passionfruit and Cigarettes
by Bmp14
Summary: When a mysterious new woman shows up at East Allegheny High in JJ's senior year, it's all she can do not to get too close. But what happens when the demons of the past are roused? Warning: Description of suicide/self harm later on Rated T for now but later chapters may be rated M.
1. Chapter 1

_One hundred and eighty days. I just need to survive for one hundred and eighty more days…_

Jennifer Jareau had always been a _very_ hard headed individual, and her mother always said she had inherited that trait from her father, while her father argued the same thing right back. It was a never ending cycle in the Jareau household, due to constant rebellious acts performed by the only child and perpetual bickering between the two authoritative figures, it was as though none of them could catch a break. Sandy blamed her daughter's tendencies to disobey their word on the fact that they had lost their oldest daughter, Rosaline, in what she seemed to refer to as a "freak accident." Every time JJ heard that term, her eyes practically rolled out of her head, and on multiple occasions she actually replied with, "Ah, yes, because slashing your own arms is _such_ a freak accident, right?" in front of the entire family, causing her to get scolded right then and there. But it was true. It was _not_ a freak accident. Jennifer knew that. Hell, Jennifer was the one who _found_ the older blonde bleeding out in the washroom. The sight stayed with her, never left her, and never would.

 _East Allegheny, Pennsylvania. Nothing exciting ever happened in East Allegheny. Nothing. There were hardly enough kids to comprise Jennifer Jareau's soccer team. Nonetheless, everyone in the area had to make the best of it. The best way to stay out of trouble in an area as such was to keep busy. Sports, school clubs, volunteer work, schoolwork, helping out on the farm, it seemed as though even in this tiny community the Jareau girls had something to do. Constantly. There was a lot of pressure on the eldest of Jareau daughters. Rosaline was the token highschool girl; from her beautiful blonde hair, to her naturally slim body, to the way her freckles showed perfectly after the summer months, all the way to her straight A's in school, her being captain of the varsity soccer team, and with a nearly guaranteed full ride to Penn State. The pressure never truly stopped for the oldest blonde, and it was apparent that it was all getting to her. That was not the only thing that Rosaline had that caused a decline in her mental health._

 _She had noticed it in junior high for the first time ever. The way that she was not drawn to the boys of her grade, the way that the girls in the locker room would constantly gossip and about their boyfriends or crushes, and the way they would whisper about Rosaline keeping her mouth shut. She had no desire to be with a boy. She had no desire to gossip and drool over boys. It just was not her. Not that it truly mattered to anyone in East Allegheny, but the Jareaus just could not have their perfect reputation tarnished. So when Rosaline brought her first girlfriend home to meet her family, there was dead silence. Her mother and father did not even acknowledge the fact that Rosaline was home, ignoring the guest and completely pushing the two of them aside. Jennifer, however, had limped out of the kitchen after badly spraining her ankle in soccer practice, her eyes going wide at the guest. She wondered silently why her parents were ignoring the two girls, but then noticed that both her sister and the other girl were crying. The small girl limped over to the two of them and, tending to the guest first out of courtesy, Jennifer wrapped her arms around the girl's waist, causing her to freeze for a moment. When JJ felt the other girl tense up, she pulled back awkwardly and looked down to her feet, although only one was on the floor. Suddenly, JJ was being hoisted up by her older sister, who squeezed her half to death she swore, and Jennifer Jareau knew at that moment that she had done something good._

 _When the guest had left (which wasn't long after), Jennifer was sent up to her room. It made her a little nervous to go upstairs because everyone seemed either very sad or very mad… JJ never liked that. She fought at first, looking to her mother with big, pleading eyes, but the older woman insisted that JJ go upstairs without even taking another one of the little girl's words into consideration. With a few huffs, JJ hobbled up the steps, using the railing to practically pull herself upstairs to her bedroom. Despite her mother's orders, Jennifer left the door partially open and flopped back onto her bed, opening up one of the small books that had been sitting on her bedside table. She truly had no idea how long she was laying there, but she woke up to the sound of a door slamming. The tiny girl sat up and began to hear angry mumbles and even yelling from downstairs and it caused her to stand up. 11:46 pm the clock next to her bed read. She had been asleep for so long and now there was yelling!? What had she missed?_

 _The small girl made her way to the stairwell, looking down from the completely darkened upstairs down to the illuminated kitchen and she spotted her mother. JJ gave her a small wave and a smile, but she immediately stopped when she saw that her mother was crying. What was going on? Instinctively, Jennifer began the descent down the flight of stairs, but her father looked up and caught sight of her, immediately swooping in to help her. He picked her up with ease and shook his head, his features showing his exhaustion clearly._

" _Nuh uh, monkey. It's bedtime for you. Mom and I are sorry for waking you up. Everything is going to be just fine, okay? Honey? Everything is going to be just fine…"_

 _As the weeks passed, Jennifer began to heal and the Jareau parents were back on their toes in attempts to corral her. It seemed that all of their energy was spent on JJ. Their parents, did not seem to recognize the lack of sparkle in her brown eyes, the way she snapped at little Jennifer much more than usual, the way the blonde spent all day up in her room with no intentions of coming out. Ever, it seemed. No. The only shift in Rosaline that her parents chose to notice was the decline in her grades slowly, the way that she would skip soccer practices because of illnesses and injuries that never truly showed. This caused the two of them to snap constantly at the older blonde, which did not help any of the case. Once, Jennifer had even mentioned the guest that had been at the house before, which resulted in a fit of yelling from both of her parents and Rosaline in tears at the dinner table. The little girl was shocked. It was a genuine question! Of course, JJ was too young to know of anything that was going on…_

 _It was months later before the physical toll began to set in on Rosaline. She had lost at least fifteen pounds; weight that the already slim blonde really could not afford to lose. She had bags under her eyes constantly, as though she never got more than a wink of sleep. Maybe she truly didn't. Rosaline had come close to her breaking point so many times. Too many times, actually, and one night, after yet another fit of yelling between herself and her parents, an exhausted Rosaline made her way upstairs, her dull eyes looking straight ahead with no sign of life to them. She had a plan. She had devised a plan so long ago, although nothing had pushed her quite to the edge like that night had. The older blonde had had enough. Before heading to the washroom, though, Rosaline turned into her younger sister's room, looking to the small girl who was laying in a ball on the bed, her hair in a knotty mess on the pillow. Rosaline couldn't help but to smile softly at the sight, and she walked to the edge of the bed, taking a seat and running her fingers through JJ's hair. It took a moment for the little girl to stir, but when she did, she rolled over and looked to Rosaline with a look of confusion in her eyes as she blinked the sleepiness from them._

" _Your hair's a mess, you know that right, monkey?" Rosaline purred out the words softly, but as she referred to JJ's nickname, her breath caught in her throat. The little girl had acquired the nickname after falling from a tree she had climbed when she was only nine years old. Nothing was broken, thank God, but the doctor had referred to JJ as a "lucky little monkey" and it had stayed with the family all that time. Rosaline tried to shake the memory from her mind, but tears persisted and continued to pool in her eyes. The older girl snaked both hands behind her neck and unclasped the necklace from her own neck, turning it over in her hand. She smiled softly, knowing that Jennifer loved this necklace in particular. Her sister had always loved butterflies so much. JJ's eyes watched her sister, but they widened dramatically when Rosaline leaned forward and began to clasp the necklace on JJ's neck. She cocked her head in confusion, one hand lifting up to touch the pendant that lay on her smooth skin while her eyes searched Rosaline's for any trace of a joke. There wasn't one._

" _Jay. I need you to listen to me for just a moment, okay? Just listen. I want you to know that I love you so much. Okay? So much. You are the best little sister that anyone could ever ask for, you know that? I know that I have been impatient lately and I've been a little mean… But I've just been going through some… Stuff. Okay? Oh, Jenny… JJ… I love you. I want you to know that you have to believe in love, alright? It's the strongest and most amazing thing in the world, Jenny. It really is. Once you find that someone that you love, you hold onto them tight, okay?" By this time, Rosaline's cheeks were damp with the tears that streamed down them in rapid streams. JJ, who was a little confused but still touched nonetheless, looked to Rosaline as she began to cry, and very carefully she slid into her sister's lap and held onto her tight. This only prompted for more tears to fall down Rosaline's cheeks as she gripped her little sister as tightly as she could. This was it. This would be the last time that JJ would see her. It pained her to even think that way. It pained her that she would be someone who hurt the innocent little girl, but it needed to be done. Rosaline's mind had been made, and it would stay that way._

 _The sisters stayed and held each other for quite some time, but Rosaline knew that she needed to go. She gently lay sleeping JJ back down and kissed her forehead, then both cheeks, then her nose, and then her chin as she always did, before standing up._

" _Goodbye, Jenny. I love you… I love you with all my heart…" And with that, the older girl slipped out of the room silently, closing the door partially behind herself as she headed to the washroom._

 _It was nearly three in the morning when JJ woke again. Ever since the spraining of her ankle, she had been having some troubles getting to sleep due to how achey it had been. The small girl rolled onto her back and gave a small sigh before sitting up, her hand immediately darting to the pendant that lay on her neck. Triumphantly, JJ puffed out her chest and stood up. She was basically a big kid now! She had the necklace to prove it! But she really did need some of the chewy pills that her mom kept in the cabinet of the washroom. They really helped with her hurt ankle, and she knew to only take one if her mom was not there to help. Only one. So with that in mind and after one big stretch, JJ partially limped her way to the washroom, furrowing her brow when she saw that the light was already on but the door was only part of the way open. The little girl gave a small shrug and pushed the door open, not even registering what she was seeing at first. It took her a minute, her eyes going as wide as they possibly could, before she released the most bloodcurdling scream that anyone on the property had ever heard._

 _Blood. There was so much blood. As soon as Jennifer had released the scream, she completely forgot the pain in her ankle and ran to where her sister lay in the porcelain bathtub that was stained with red. The tiny girl reached into the tub and grabbed her sister's wrists, both of them slit straight up the middle with no hopes of being able to be repaired. JJ didn't know this, though, and she grabbed ahold of Rosaline's wrists shaking them in order to rouse her pale sister._

" _Ros!? Ros!? Please? Please!? What happened!? I don't know what happened!" JJ screamed her words and shook her head as her father burst into the washroom, his eyes going wide as well. Sandy appeared behind her husband and released a scream, immediately grabbing Jennifer by the waist at her husband's command. The last thing she wanted to do was leave their oldest daughter there like that… But Jennifer needed to be taken away from the scene as soon as possible. With JJ struggling in her arms, Sandy pulled her downstairs and sat her down on the couch, her arms wrapped around her daughter's tiny frame while she waited for her to calm down. She had dialled 9-1-1 somewhere in the mix between trying to calm Jennifer down and trying to come to terms with what happened, but that phone call seemed to have not even had happened. It was all a dream. This was all a dream. A nightmare. It had to be. Sandy looked to JJ's pyjamas, the shirt that she had gotten from her soccer coach as a Christmas gift and her purple pants both soaked in her own sister's blood. For God sakes… What had Rosaline done?_

Occasionally, JJ was stuck reliving the day over and over again. It was still somewhat fresh in her memory even though it had happened a little over seven years ago. People around the town still gave her the exact same Goddamn look and she could still hear the whispers as she passed people in the hall. It was as though they figured she could not hear them at all. Well, joke was on them, she supposed. One hundred and eighty days. That was all JJ had to last for until the stupid school year was over. Until stupid _senior year_ was over. JJ was still pulling herself out of her trance when suddenly she bumped into someone, all of her books spilling from her hands and a loud groan escaping her lips. Without even pausing to look at the other person, JJ mumbled her apologies and bent down to pick up the spilled contents of her arms, however, she stopped as soon as she felt a hand on her arm. With hesitation, Jennifer looked up and met with the most beautiful pair of brown eyes that she had ever witnessed before… A pair of eyes that belonged to an equally as beautiful face. That was it. At that moment, Jennifer Jareau was done for, captivated, enticed, and it all started with four simple words.

"Hello. I'm Emily Prentiss."


	2. Chapter 2

Her blue eyes blinked fast, and Emily immediately knew that the other girl was frazzled. She gave a small smile as she caught onto the actions of the blonde, and handed back the books that she had managed to pick up from the ground. She was one of the soccer kids… Emily was new to the school and she knew that. The brunette waited for the blonde to reply to her introduction, one of her brows lifting in question when no words escaped the other's lips. Emily shrugged and stood up, merely turning around and heading in the opposite direction. She did not make it more than five steps, however, until she heard a sultry voice cut through the air, smooth as silk.

"JJ. My name is JJ. Well… Jennifer… But everyone else calls me JJ so… Just call me that." As Emily turned once again, she saw the pale girl's cheeks flushing a deep shade of red, and the brunette could not help but to smile at the sight. She had a way with people. That was one way of putting it, and it was apparent that she was getting to Jennifer without even doing anything. With a courteous nod, Emily stepped back forward and gave a chuckle, her head shaking from side to side as she did so.

"Where did the other 'J' come from?" She asked with the smallest of chuckles escaping her lips. Hell. Hell, how could this girl, this small blonde that had literally just bumped into her have this effect? "Sorry… Just thought I'd ask. I'm Ms. Prentiss. The new English TA." Emily released a laugh and shook her head, her brown eyes shifting down for the slightest of seconds until the bell rang for the next class to start. She would have guessed that the smaller girl was newly eighteen, her petite frame not alluding to the fact that she had the markings of a young woman. "Well, I don't want to be late for my first day of class. I'll see you later?" Emily had already spun around, but she stated the last statement as a question. Truly, she did want to see the small girl again… There was something about her… Whether it be the nervousness that radiated off of the senior for no particular reason, or the way her eyes shone as Emily handed her back the books that had fallen onto the ground.

Although she was out of sight, Jennifer was not out of Emily's mind. The brunette's mind swarmed with the facial details of the smaller woman, the way that her cheeks turned red as soon as Emily began to speak, the way that her perfectly blonde hair remained almost untouched with the unintentional contact between the two young women. Lost in thought, Emily wandered into calculus class, only a couple of minutes late, her mind whirring with thoughts of the small blonde. Only of the small blonde. Jennifer. Jennifer what? Where had the second 'J' come from? These thoughts caused for a smile to spread across her lips as she sat, the talk of similes and metaphors completely going into one ear and out the other. Emily was in a trance, and she knew immediately that she needed to find this girl again. It was almost unbelievable as to how captivated the brunette was by this blonde girl.

When she had decided to move to Pennsylvania, it was not an easy decision. Emily Prentiss had been forced to move around endlessly as a child due to her mother's position as a diplomat, and it really did not come as a surprise when her mother would come home announcing that they once again would be leaving. So, to move from Paris, where she was teaching a prestigious class of advanced writers to teach as a TA in the tiny East Allegheny high school was quite the decision. It was a decision that _had_ to be made, however.

 _The other girl released a sigh as she lay on top of Emily, her head buried into the crook of her neck. A small groan escaped the brunette's lips as the other girl shifted, pressing down a little too harshly against her chest area, but the two of them both settled back into each other, their bodies fitting together. That was the thing that Emily loved most. She loved the way that the two of them fit together seamlessly, no matter the circumstance, and this only confirmed the fact that Emily was in love with the woman laying on top of her. She loved that the two of them did not need to be doing anything for Emily to fall even more in love with her. The way that the other woman's hair fell flawlessly over her shoulders no matter the position or activity, the way that her freckles showed a little more prominently in the Italian sun that the two of them had lived under for so long, the way that their hands always found a way to intertwine. Yes, Emily was irrevocably and indescribably in love with the woman she was with. Nothing could come between them. Nothing would come between them. Or so they thought._

 _She blamed herself. For two years Emily Prentiss blamed herself for the loss of her girlfriend. The love of her life. The reason that she had survived all of those years in Italy and all of the years that she had needed to travel. When she had finally broken somewhat free from her mother's grasp and could finally settle down, it was Nicole that Emily turned to. Everything was changing and everything continued to change throughout the years, but the one constant that Emily Prentiss could rely on was her girlfriend. Suddenly, with the blink of an eye and the course of one heart wrenching phone call, the girl was gone. The same girl who had been Emily's rock ever since they met as teenagers, was gone. Completely gone. The fact that she would never be able to hear the glorious laugh that she had fallen for years ago, she would never be able to run her fingertips against her smooth skin as they layed in bed. They were only twenty five at the time, but they already had so many plans for their future; they were going to leave every form of politics behind them, to finally settle down in one place, to get married and start a family. Nicole had always wanted three children. In a perfect world, she wanted two little boys and a baby girl, all with Emily's chocolate brown eyes and her dirty blonde hair. Perfect little mixes of the two of them. Now, that was impossible._

 _It truly was Emily's fault that Nicole had been on the road that day. She just wanted some milk. That was all. Both women knew that Emily was much too picky to eat her cereal without milk, and that was truly the only thing they had in the house. Not to mention the fact that Emily only ate the sugary kind, and since it was close to midnight, all the brunette wanted was a midnight snack. So Nicole had offered to go to the little convenience store that was just on the outskirts of the area that they lived. Since the couple lived just outside of Paris, there was countryside to spare that surrounded them on either side of their little cottage. The little Fiat that the two of them owned together, although that Nicole had claimed as her own, honestly stood no chance against the horror that was to be faced that day. Hell, Emily Prentiss knew that her girlfriend was strong, that was an undeniable fact, but the moment she heard Nicole's voice over the phone, Emily's heart sank deep down into the pit of her stomach. It was broken, there was the sound of breaking glass, crunching, crumbling, pain… Emily had never moved so fast in her life. The brunette sprinted to the door, her hand clutching her black jacket in one hand while her other grabbed the keys to the Mini Cooper that had Emily had attained by default, and it took her only a few seconds to track where Nicole's phone was pinned. On the other side of the phone, Nicole's voice cracked and broke into the phone, breaking Emily's heart with each and every word that she heard escape her love's lips._

" _Em… Em… Don't come… Don't… D-don't come here… Please… Please… Th-there is too much blood… Baby… B-baby… I can't feel my… I can't feel my legs." And at that, Emily's stomach practically flipped, her face going completely stoic. She couldn't speak for a few seconds, thoughts running through her mind on a continuous loop. She couldn't lose her. She couldn't lose her baby. The best thing to ever happen to her was this woman. The reason that she was so successful, that she was still alive, was the woman on the other end of the phone. If Nicole was torn away from her, Emily truly didn't know what she would do. So she sped up, the car heading in the exact location that her phone had pinned her to._

 _As soon as Emily drove over the hill and the scene of the accident came into view, a hushed whimper escaped her lips. There was a truck overturned on its side on one side of the road, the ditch completely cleared of any sign of grass and the truck completely lit up in flames. That was not the thing that concerned Emily even in the slightest. Immediately her eyes were drawn to a nearby tree, her jaw dropping when she saw their tiny, red Fiat wrapped nearly completely around the wide trunk. Nicole was nowhere to be seen. Once the Mini Cooper had come to a complete stop, Emily's hand trembled and she dropped her phone, practically leaping from the vehicle towards the gruesome scene of the accident. On the way to the site, Emily had been sure to call emergency services, and echoes of the sirens could be heard throughout the densely tree covered area, but they seemingly bounced off the bark trunks, taunting her, playing with her mind. It took all Emily Prentiss had not to scream, not to cry, not to break down right then and there, and just as she was about to call out her girlfriend's name, she heard a very weak and muffled cough. The brunette set off on a dead sprint to where she had heard the cough, and as she ran to the opposite side of the vehicle, her brown eyes filled with tears._

 _Nicole lay in a heap on her back, her legs both bent in inhuman ways, her left arm obviously having been torn from the socket, her face and any other piece of exposed skin was burned, cut bruised, and perhaps the most shocking of all injuries was the piece of metal sticking vertically out of her abdomen. At first, Emily approached her girlfriend with caution. She had to be careful not to move her. She had to be careful not to hurt her… But then she realized the pools of blood being formed around the dirty blonde's body, the way that her skin was turning a sickly colour of grey, the way her lips were going blue and the way that her hazel eyes were beginning to glaze over. Nicole was leaving her. There was no way of getting around the fact, there was truly no hope for the other woman. Of course, Emily wanted to be strong. God, she was trying to be strong, but deep down, deep down Emily Prentiss knew that there was no way that Nicole would make it through this._

 _So calmly, Emily moved to sit just above Nicole's body, lifting her head carefully and placing it in her lap. Softly the brunette began to hum, her fingers sifting through the blonde hair that was stained a dark red colour. She tried to rake her fingers gently through the knots that had been formed, knowing damn well that Nicole hated when her hair got even the slightest bit knotty. The two sat there only for a few moments before the other woman coughed, a clot of blood slipping between her lips and trickling blood out of the corner of her mouth. Nicole looked up to Emily with calm eyes, blinking them rapidly as to stay awake. The brunette knew that it had to be getting hard, however, and it seemed as though the sirens were only getting further and further away… The last thing that Emily wanted was for her girlfriend to be in pain. So Emily's free hand reached down and took one of Nicole's in it, giving it a small squeeze as she began to speak quietly._

" _Pumpkin… Hello. It's Emily here. I want you to know how much I love you. Okay? I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere, Nicole. Okay? I'm not going to leave you. I… I want you to hold on. Fuck, I want you to hold on, baby, but… That's so selfish. I want you to know that… I want you to know that I am always going to love you. Do you understand? Never will I stop loving you, Nicole. Nicole Prentiss… That has such a lovely ring to it, doesn't it?" Emily allowed for a soft smile to appear and allowed it to tug at the corners of her lips as she continued to speak. "You're my baby girl. You always have been and always would be. Okay? I want you to know that if it starts to become too much… If it starts to hurt too much, Nicole, you can go. I don't want you to hurt anymore. Okay? I love you… Oh my God, I love you…" And with that, Emily bent forward, her lips pressing against her dying partner's. She left her lips against Nicole's for a moment longer than she should have perhaps, because when she pulled back, the dirty blonde was gone._

 _By the time the paramedics had arrived, Emily had tried everything to revive Nicole; CPR, mouth to mouth, she even tried to shake the other woman awake. No luck. Nicole was gone, forever. Emily knew, however, that she would never let the memory of her first real love fade away. Nicole was a part of her, she always had been and always would be. She had held her dying girlfriend in her arms and that fact would stay with her forever. It would never leave her. Ever._

Emily had made the executive decision to move from Paris, away from the memories, the pain, the past, to the furthest thing away from the place as possible. Pennsylvania seemed… Fair. It was a tiny little area with only a few people, but Emily still found herself enjoying the dynamics thoroughly. It was a change. A much needed change. So there she was at East Allegheny High, an impressive teaching career under her belt for her age, and she was stuck being a TA. Any other person would have been even the slightest bit upset, but not Emily. The woman was incredibly thankful to be putting the demons of her past behind her… Or as best she could, she supposed.

Emily didn't end up seeing Jennifer again for around a week, but then suddenly it was the two of them. Only the two of them. The blonde had a soccer ball under her left arm and her cell phone in the other, a grin spread across her face from a text message that one of her teammates had sent her after their practice. Pieces of her blonde ponytail that had fallen out stuck to her sweaty neck and forehead, her skin seemingly glistening in the flourescent light of the hallway. Emily gave a small smile as she recognized the smaller woman, clearing her throat as JJ approached. The blonde looked up from her phone, the grin still on her face, and she tucked her phone into her sports bra under her jersey, the number four plastered proudly against her chest. Much to Emily's surprise, it was the blonde who actually spoke first this time, and the brunette could not help but to give a smile at the statement being made.

"Jareau. That's where the second 'J' comes from."


End file.
